One too many

Photo by Eric S. Bartelt with license cc-by-2.0

I've felt divided for most of my life as a game developer. On one hand I have the need for space and time for building the things I envision,  on the other the fact that I come from a humble background, and I have to work to create that space.

That work right now is teaching. It is exhausting work on its own, but I can manage it. In fact I have worked on this project and taught simultaneously for several years, but what gave me le coup de grace was the requirement that the authorities imposed to have a postgraduate degree for teaching (even for people like me who have been doing that job in the public and private sectors for years).

I had to interrupt the project to be able to get that degree. That was two years ago, and ever since I haven't been able to continue it. That may sound surprising, but those who have worked on big projects know that they are contained microcosmos where you have to spend much time just to familiarize yourself with all their aspects and tools, and when you are taken out it's hard to get that back. 

Anyway, now I have the opportunity to resume the project. I am taking it, but again the other side reclaims me, because I have realized that I won't have economic security until I get a position in the public sector, as I lack the ambition necessary to prosper in the private one. That means working as a teacher, preparing myself for the tests and working on this project  One too many.